Frustration

For the two weeks I have been in and out of the doctors and hospital trying to figure out what is wrong with me.  I have had low grade fevers and pain in my port.  Of course, both negatively and greatly affect my POTS.  Due to my symptoms, everyone was afraid that I had sepsis again.  I went from the radiologist who brushed me off and told me nothing was wrong with me, to the health center because I was still have symptoms.  Ultimately last Friday, I was sent to the ER to determine if I had sepsis again and was told I was to be admitted and transferred to another hospital for treatment.  I did not think that was in my best interest at the time, so I signed the paperwork and left the hospital against medical advice(AMA).  I was pumped full of drugs before I left and was told I would be called regarding my test results.

On Sunday, I was told that all of my blood cultures were negative(which means no sepsis) but I have a high WBC, which most likely means I have an infection somewhere.  Over the weekend, I progressively was feeling worse with my symptoms persisting.  I was second guessing my decision to leave the hospital.  I went back to the health center yesterday to follow up and they sent me back to the hospital because of my symptoms and told me to brace myself because there was a high chance I would be admitted again and I shouldn’t leave AMA this time. After some procrastination (and environmental health sciences test taking lol), I ended up back in the ER.  Pro: I saw Queen Latifah multiple times as she was visiting someone in the ER.  Cons: Everything else.  It was a complete waste of time.  They discovered that I have an infection (duh) and I have a high WBC(duh).  I may have a UTI(no symptoms at all), but they aren’t sure why it didn’t show up before now with all of the testing I have had done in the last week and why it popped up AFTER I was pumped full of antibiotics last week.  If it is a UTI, it may be a result of all of the drugs I was pumped full with last week.  Or, I could not have a UTI and just have lots of WBC everywhere.  Who knows.  Ultimately, they told me that they don’t know what is wrong with me, did nothing for my POTS even though that is a main concern right now, did nothing for my port, pumped me full of more drugs and told me to come back if I don’t feel any better.  I was discharged at 3am today feeling worse than I did when I went in.

I am hoping that the antibiotics that they pumped me with yesterday, magically make me feel better and that this situation will finally end.  But the truth is, they don’t realize that the more they pump me with drugs, the worse I get.  They don’t understand that the interaction between my POTS and EVERYTHING else.  Basically, they don’t know A LOT.  This is where my public health side kicks in and makes me want to educate people and advocate for everyone with POTS.  It also makes me sad for those who can’t or don’t know how to advocate for themselves.  If I am in this position, where are those people?

At this point, I am still left sick and extremely frustrated.  I am frustrated with doctors who tell me that I don’t look sick.  I am frustrated with being shuffled from doctor’s office to doctor’s office and back to the hospital only to be told that no one knows what to do.  I am frustrated with having to be my own advocate every where I go.  I am frustrated with my body.  I want to go to school, hang out with my friends and enjoy my amazing LA life but being sick is hindering that.  Although I am tired and feeling defeated at the moment, I will not stop fighting and advocating until I am happy and healthy(well as healthy as I can be lol).  Although I am frustrated, I know that this too shall pass and I will be back to being myself soon!  Lets hope that the combination of all the drugs I have been pumped with somehow works!

~Natasha

One Comment Add yours

  1. Johnnie Sue McGlinchey says:

    Keep hanging in there Natasha. I can understand your frustration, its totally appropriate to what’s been happening in your life. All too often the medical community lets down the person seeking their help. Its amazing how much we still don’t know about the human body, how many ailments we still have no definitive tests to identify. Pain symptoms pin particular seem to stump Physicians/ Diagnosticians. If its not infection, injury, specific pre-existing known illness, it must be all in the patient’s mind, right?

    Sent from my Windows Phone ________________________________

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